im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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