oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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