I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My penis needs a shock collar
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
