I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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