and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
