I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
