Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
