you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
