You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sorry my hands just texted you
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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