I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
