I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
