Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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