Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
