my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
