It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
