i just wanna soil my oats bro
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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