ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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