i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
