My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
