i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
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Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
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I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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