Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
