What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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