You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
