Sry I called you an 8
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
