Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
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