I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
