i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
