why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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