Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
