did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
