The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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