i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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