We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
