a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
