dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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