he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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