I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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