i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
