Plan B is the new Plan A
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
