there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
