he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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