This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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