He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
