Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We have started to decorate penises.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
