So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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