how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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