The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize