Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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