Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
