I puked a lego.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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