yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
one might say we're banned from that church
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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