Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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