I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
