he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
