mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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