remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
