apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
