I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dear god my vagina.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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