Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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