I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
