Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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