so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You ate ashes out of my bong
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
