Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Randomize
