just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
