I skipped work to stalk him.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Terrible idea I love it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
