I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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