You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize