D3 body, D1 cock
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
