I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
