i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
