I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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