wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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