The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
