He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
