found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
my poor anus
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
